This process will likely combine the best available evidence (ask your birth doula team), your providers' recommendations, and ultimately your preferences (which may change during the birth process).
Being actively involved in the process of shared decision making is very closely related to your level of satisfaction with your birth experience...regardless of how you finally meet your little one(s).
How are you practicing 'shared decision making'
as you prepare for birth?
...often this question is met with silence, and as it is a regular topic during our Pregnancy Circles we wait for a little bit...
Upon reflection, many of our clients are able to identify how they are already feeling empowered as a participant in shared decision making during their provider appointments.
Here are some empowering 'shared decision making' words from the DCBD community:
'In my provider appointments if I don't ask questions, they don't volunteer information. Sometimes I feel anxious because I don't even know, what I don't know.'
I' have started asking 'what are some typical questions that others ask at this stage of pregnancy?'
'Is there anything that I should be aware at this point?'
'What are some of the next milestones that I will experience during my pregnancy?'
'I choose not to track my weight gains and have asked the nurses not to share that information with me, while I deliberately face away from the scale. This feels good in my body.'
'Each appointment is with a different provider, which can be unsettling, but normal. In order to create some consistency I started asking the same questions to the different practitioners--this helped me to get a feel for how each provider had a different approach, but also some similarities.'
'The hidden benefit was--it got easier for me to ask questions and not feel awkward. I'm still learning how to advocate for myself in these situations (I definitely have my questions written down).'
'I have shared with my provider that I feel more reassured when I understand why certain procedures are being offered as a normal part of my care.'
'I'm starting to feel more comfortable with the idea that if my provider is not bringing something up, then maybe it isn't in the scope of what I need to be concerned about right now...I still do a lot of reading on my own...but I'm trying to be open to the idea that everything is going well.'
'I hate it when Dr.'s say what I'm experiencing is normal, it feels dismissive and I feel like I don't matter.'
'I've really loved the words - yes, this may be normal, but it doesn't feel ok in my body. What are my option to feel better?'
A Brief Word about Unexpected Outcomes*
*We do know that not everyone experiences a moment in Birth where they felt like they had the presence of mind to make informed choices. It can be excruciating to feel defeated and betrayed, not to mention exhausted and in pain, about this impactful moment. Expectations surrounding birth story hopes & dreams are there, even if you don't realize that you have them. Please know that we want to validate your experience and possible grief in a very real way...this is one of the purposes of our live, virtual Peer-Circles...this is also the space for you.
Empowering moments of 'Shared Decision Making'
during Early Labor, Birth & Postpartum
What might it look like to experience moments of empowerment, supported by being part of the process of decision making, during Birth? These are words from some of the families that DCBD has supported in the past 10 years:
'Just doing it, going through the birth of our son, was empowering'
'Talking to the doulas as we made the decision on when to leave for the hospital felt like a relief...and the right choice'
'This was my 2nd birth and I felt really good about being more confident to do more of the early labor at home'
'Once we got to the hospital, my partner knew his job was to ask for some time for us to process each decision point and this was respected by everyone'
'I felt really supported by my doula and the support staff, to be able to ask, "how much time do we have to make this decision?" and I think this space helped my partner and I transition better'
'I also have some ideas on how I want to advocate for things to go differently next time'
"When I said 'what does this mean & tell me more about this' I was giving myself high fives...inside"
'I felt empowered asking and receiving multiple epidurals, even though eventually, I accepted that a c-section was necessary...and made peace with that path'
'As a single parent, I was prepared to be my warrior self during labor and birth, but I was not. This felt and feels very disappointing. I wasn't really in a place to listen, ask or consider anything. My empowering moments are connected to the grace that I keep offering myself- that I'm doing the best I can, and that I'm still OK, which in the world of just having had a baby is F'ing Amazing'
'Birth was hard and I thought I would be able to have a few days of a break, but taking care of my baby and my body has been more than I thought it would be- I guess I feel empowered because I'm asking for help (which is hard for me), because I really need it, and my husband is also worn out'
'Also, I'm getting better about trusting my own instincts...especially when I get different recommendations on feeding my baby'
In the DCBD Birth Prep Class we introduce this decision making framework, which many of our clients find helpful.
As you make your decisions, we hope you feel supported and well-informed by your doulas, confident in the recommendations from your provider, and in connection with yourself and your personal values.
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