It's OK to Stop

Feeding a newborn is challenging, by any method! They are sleepy and hard to wake, but wake frequently. Everyone, parents and baby, are learning something new. There is a real physical toll on the body, already recovering from birth, then going through uncomfortable changes as lactation begins, all while coping with hormonal shifts and massive sleep deprivation. And the external and internal expectations around feeding are massive and deeply affect most people. We see our clients put A LOT of time, effort and emotion into the effort of feeding their babies with their bodies. Usually this effort will pay off, either with an exclusively breastfed baby, or with a baby who is combination fed (formula plus breastmilk). 

But sometimes, it doesn’t work. The reasons for this are too numerous to list, but they are plentiful and they are legitimate. No matter how much effort you keep putting in, no matter how many times you keep putting Baby to the breast, no matter how much you pump - it’s just not coming together. Or sometimes, with continued sacrifice of time, body, sleep and sanity, you might get there, but the price isn’t worth paying. It’s in these cases that you should know it’s ok to stop.

You don’t need our permission, you don’t need the internet’s permission, you don’t need social media’s permission, you don’t need your extended family’s permission, you don’t need random strangers’ permission. You can make that decision on your own if that’s the right decision for you and your family. But in case you need to hear it from a breastfeeding advocate: let us assure you that when feeding your baby feels like suffering, everyone is crying at every feeding, your mental health is negatively affected, and you don’t really want to keep doing it - it’s ok to stop. We do actually have other ways to feed babies. You can move on, feel better, and be more present with your baby in these newborn days.

The most important thing is that your baby is fed and healthy and growing. The next most important thing is that you feel a sense of peace about how you’re getting there. If you’re moving in a forward direction with your breastfeeding goals and the work you’re putting in feels worthwhile, though challenging, keep going - we are cheering you on all the way! If the work feels overwhelming and your mental health is circling the drain - there’s another way to feed that baby and it’s possible to make a different choice and still keep the baby fed AND feel better! It’s ok to stop. What helps make that transition healthier for you as you move on is to make sure you’re not telling yourself a story of shame and failure - your baby didn’t fail and you didn’t fail. Let’s not take that burden forward into your parenting journey! You can shift the narrative to one of effort and success; you tried so hard to make breastfeeding work - you put in the hours, you stretched your body, you asked for help, you pumped, you cried, you hurt, you did SO MANY THINGS, and for whatever reason, it wasn’t working. You did a good job, and now you’re choosing to be a present parent with a healthy baby on a path of peace. There is no failure there.

Sometimes it’s hard to make the final decision on your own. If you need someone to talk you through it, you can call us; we are happy to listen to everything that has been going on and affirm that it’s ok to stop. There’s a reason that we call your one-hour call Infant Feeding Counseling and not Breastfeeding Counseling, and that’s because it’s a nonjudgmental safe space to talk about whatever feeding challenges you have. We care about you and your mental health as well as your baby’s health, and everyone on the DCBD team is here to listen and support you through your feeding journey!